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First of all, to explain the filtered photograph: I’ve been having fun with BeFunky, which has some great editing tools that are useful for serious and playful image editing. This is from a photograph that I took some time ago that really wasn’t very good — but after some editing followed by one of the cartoon filters, I think it’s hilariously great. I’ve posted it on Facebook, and now I’m posting it here in its full glory.

I’m also working on a redesign of PanamaCityPC.com because it’s way overdue. I’m also redesigning my logo, although I’m not so sure i’m completely happy with the “pcpc” part. I’m definitely happy with the font for the full domain name, though.

Weight loss is an irritatition at the moment. I obtained a scale on 23 September, and I am weighing myself daily. While my calorie count has been quite reasonable, the weight loss hasn’t matched.

I’ve been tracking calories since I got out of the hospital the first time on 25 July. While I’d set my goal originally at 1790 calories per day, which should net me 2lbs/wk weight loss, I more recently changed that to 2000, which is slightly below the amount that should net me 1lb/wk loss.

I made that goal change simply because I was struggling sometimes to stay below that goal. I have exceeded that goal occasionally, but the number of calories I can consume to maintain my current weight is theoretically around 2600 calories, so I should theoretically be losing weight constantly.

My experience has not been thus. And yet, I am tracking every single calorie.

It has been a bit discouraging, but I trust that over the long term, my weight will continue to drop. Time will certainly tell. And if I stall out for a month, I’ll have to figure out some sort of change.

Meanwhile, what’s even more annoying is the lack of strength and stamina. I still struggle to walk. I was able to go to Walmart last night and pick up a few items — a trip that had me on my feet for 30-40 minutes; and that was about all I could handle. I had to bring in the cold/frozen items and leave the rest for this morning.

I also struggle with the energy to cook. Making grilled cheese sandwiches for Rachel last night wasn’t too bad, but cooking much more than that wears me out. We have a bag of apples that’s been sitting for a week for me to have the energy to peel and dice them for tuna apple (the only other ingredient is mayonnaise, and it makes wonderful sandwiches).

To be frank, the depression makes it difficult to get things done that I want to get done. I’ve been wanting to work on the design of PanamaCityPC.com for a couple of weeks now, and I’ve finally gotten up the gumption to try and make it happen.

I’m not giving up, mind. My life depends on me losing weight so that I don’t die from the congestive heart failure. To give up is to die, and I want to live as long as possible. But certainly venting a bit here helps. This is the time period when the lovely messages on Facebook from everyone being glad I didn’t die has slowed down — not that I need them to survive; but this is also the time period when progress has slowed, and the daily grind is grinding ever onward. This become the true test of a human: Can I keep going now that it’s tougher?

I believe I can.